Perhaps as I asking the difference between trying to rebuild a connection and LRT. There are many other sources of information that are similar to DB and DR and I am looking at them all.
The way I see it, if you try to do everything, you arent really doing anything. The types of interactions that you have should depend on your situation. For example, is she seeing another person? Has she moved out? DO you have kids? and so on.
Originally Posted By: Flight
I do believe that absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. So just completely withrawing without attempting to rebuild the connection seems wrong. I understand from what you said, that GAL could draw her back, but how to know which to do?
Thats why these are called 180s. They are exactly the opposite behavior of what you have done your entire life. Of course it would seem wrong.
Think about back in high school. If some girl you didnt like kept chasing after you, trying to "build a connection", how would you react? Its usually the same here. The WAS has made it clear that they are not interested in the LBS. Theres no good way to build a connection with someone that doesnt want to connect with you.
Originally Posted By: Flight
Some people HAVE gotten their spouse back by being the better choice, validating, not arguing, attempting little love touches through a one-way text message or sharing an article of interest to her, etc. Making every interaction the kind whe always wanted can get her thinking "why am I leaving this marriage?"
Or, you don't try any of that and just live your own life being cheerful and stopping just for a moment here and there when she needs to know about a bill or the kids? She leaves on a business trip and you just stay in bed and let her fend for herself and leave without a goodbye? I guess I don't get how far to pull back.
Im a little confused. Theres a big difference between being the better choice, validating, and not arguing - all good traits regardless - and sending love notes and text messages.
The basic concepts here are for the LBS. Why should I send a nice note that I know she wont respond to? Nobody is preaching to be cold or distant. What we are shooting for is being non-pursuing, because that generally only pushes the WAS away. But you still want to be a warm beacon of light and love....just from afar, now.
