A little of both. I began seeing some things in OM that kind of nagged me about how legit his intentions were. In other words, I began to wonder if I was being played. I received some very wise words from another poster who set me straight on a few things.

My H finally stopped smothering me and stopped pressuring me like he had done. That really helped.

It was when I decided to slowly ease my kids into the idea that I was thinking about leaving their dad that things really began to crumble for me. Reality started hitting me hard.

I think the A lasted about 8-9 months, and then after ending it, I carried around OM in my head for a few months. Took me a long time to stop thinking about "what could have been". Of course, I fantasized about all the positive things that could have happened. Who wants to dream about realistic things? I know now that it would have been disastrous for me to have broken up my family.

I was a WW when I came to the board (which is rare), and it took me forever before I began to feel better, I give credit to God and the people on the board for helping me to restore my M. (I learned a lot by reading threads from LBS). I was in some tough depression and my feelings for my H were dead (which did not change overnight). It takes time to heal and get back to "normal" after being through that type of crises.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!