Finally asking for help:

[Solo15]

Just wanted to post an update. Had a pretty big breakthrough.

Spoke to my W last night while dropping off the kids. Was detached, talked logistics, said i would answer some of her questions by email. Reinforced my boundaries. I asked her if there was anything else, and she asked me to take my glasses off and look her in the eyes. I did.

She said that when she had said she wasn't sure about me, that she hadn't decided about us, and that if I could show her that she could be happy with me, there might be a chance for a romantic relationship. Then she said, "I'm not even sure if that's something you want anymore". I told her that I was going to heal from what she did, rebuild my strength and find happiness by myself, and then I would decide what I wanted.

She's pursuing me. I stuck to my guns, didn't offer any hope or loving validation, was manly and didn't take the bait.

Honestly feel great right now. Finally get it all. At least in the broad strokes. I'm not going to show her that I can make her happy. I'm going to be the best man that I can, for me, healing from all the broken behaviors, and finding a way to love my life and myself. To be kind to myself and actually take to the time to build myself up, grow as a man and father, and take back my life.

If she is attracted to those changes and falls for me, then maybe I'll consider allowing her to walk down the long road to R with me. Maybe not. But I'm not rushing into anything, nor taking that broken M back. She will have to break down and work with me. I don't have to show her anything. She will see my actions, because they come from truth, and are not for her, but me.

Pretty different person saying these things. Finally getting my mojo back. I can't express how thankful I am for everyone here helping me to get to this point. I love you guys. Seriously. You all rock.