One of the things that stuck out to me in reading DR was about how you can change your behaviors that will lead to changes in his behaviors. For example, giving positive reinforcement when he does something good can help give incentive for him to keep doing those things.
I dont know your whole story, but I think before you start trying to make giant changes in financial structure and family life and things like that, you may want to start small. Do some experimenting. You tried grocery shopping, and that failed....what else can you try?
