H just called for our lunchtime chat. I was pleasant, and listened, but did not offer anything about my day until he asked. He is lamenting lack of time, which is part of what got us into this mess in the first place. Says he has to work through lunch but he wants to go online to his BB autophile group. I told him he can do that at home, and he says "I have other things to do at home."
This made me a bit PO'd. I have been getting up early to make him breakfast, and lunch, and then clean so that when he comes home, he can relax. I feel as if he doesn't recognize this effort. We have a clean house, but it's very cluttered by my plants and dog stuff, and lack of storage and 1/2 finished projects.
Now, I have a new goal, to get the house finished up once and for all. Sigh, I really want to be able to relax myself at some point. But, all my projects are half done around the house (I'm not the only one, H also has plenty of 1/2 finished projects) and it stresses H out.
Laurie had told me during my phone counseling that I need to make the house a place where H WANTS to come home and relax. He had told me at one point that when I am not home, he enjoys his time and is himself, but when I walk in the door, time speeds up.
I am tired already from lack of sleep. I have been staying up late to be with H, getting up early to cook and clean, and I just plain need more sleep. I don't know how long I can do this. I need to take care of myself, but I am running out of time. UGH UGH UGH. I hate this.
Nothing I can do but break it into pieces so I don't stress and tackle one thing at a time.
