I think I might have stopped because I felt like things were getting better. I think the calmness that set in when I stopped chasing him did make things better - less fiery - and I hoped that given enough time, there'd be a change and when he had the space he needed, he'd come to me and start communicating what he wanted. I haven't seen that happen. And I haven't been as diligent as I wanted to be about my own personal goals, so I am back.

I think he might feel emasculated. He says it is humiliating to ask me for money. T change that, we'd need to go to the bank together to get a joint account. He won't do that.

When we met, we both worked. I earned a lot more than him, but we paid for dates and fun activities 50/50. He came to my house and I cooked more often than I went to him because he lived in a shared house and mine was closer to the train station so it was easier for him to come direct from work.

I had a year where I was a SAHM and he had stopped paid work and was a full time student. We lived on freelance income I made from working at home, at night, and savings from when before he went to University and before I stopped paid work.

For the past three years he's been a SAHD. Before our son went to school, he was in childcare three days a week to give him alone time. Now he's at school, for the past year he's been able to have time to himself to do what he wants between 9.30am and 3pm. He does most of the housework and house maintenance though I pitch in at the weekends.

I think my chasing has always been a problem in our relationship. There's a pattern where he's given me the silent treatment, sulked and been very passive aggressive. I have to work out what I've done to displease him. These matters are often, for him, about respect. But because he won't talk to me about them, I am mainly in the dark.

I do find it hard to respect him. For me, it isn't to do with our roles. If he wanted to work, he could - but I think that's a decision for him to make. I don't resent working. I love my job. What I find hard to respect is the way he won't tell me what he wants, won't tell me what he feels, uses silent treatment, assumes he knows the reasons for why I do things, assumes he knows what I am thinking. If he wants to do the money differently, I am totally open to that. But I need to hear what he wants. If I make a unilateral decision to change my working hours, or how the money works in our relationship, then I'm being controlling again.

It is pretty much like living with and supporting another child and I'm sure he's aware I feel like that.

I guess for me to stay in this relationship I'd need to see some big changes on his part and for him to start communicating with me like an adult, even if he thinks I won't like or agree with what he wants to say.

For him to engage with me in this relationship - I have no idea what he needs. I would love to know. I am open to him telling me, and to making changes.

My boundary is that I can't continue as it is any longer. I can only change myself. I need to figure out what those changes would be.

We have a plan to sell the house and move a few miles away to make my work commute easier. I want to tell him that I am not comfortable buying a new house with him while our relationship is like this. I think we should sell the house, bank the money (maybe split it) and live separately for a while.