Quote: Instead of looking into his eyes, I immediately turned my head and presented my cheek to him. I made sure to smile lots so that he didn't think he was doing anything wrong or that I was upset with him. Just wanted to present the image of not being pursuing.
Good work!
Quote: This will take some practice, I think. How do I meld the two so that they are fluid? Being emotionally available to him when he needs me but not pursuing... how does this work, anyway?
Yes, this is the struggle isn't it? I've been thinking more and more about Gottman's idea of communication bids, of us being able to make a positive response to their bids. The additional thing here I'm adding is to let our spouses initiate that interaction with us, without following them around trying to make it happen. We want them to step through the door, so that they are making the bid to start interaction with us. And we know what to do from there, right?
Quote: Oh well, it will come to me... "I love this man, I do not NEED this man."
