Thank you for your reply, @WhyUs. It sounds like you're having a much harder time than me. I hope you're okay.
I read that book years and years ago but I don't remember much of what was in it. I think I will go to the library tomorrow and check it out. I need to get out of the house a bit anyway.
Another horrible interaction this morning. He came to me and asked me to put an amount of money in his account so he can go out and have fun. Well, he texted me. We've just been on holiday (last month) and the budget is in tatters so I went to him (in person) and asked him if we could go through expenses and decide on an amount of 'fun money' for each of us. He said he didn't want to waste any time talking to me, or waste his day on a conversation.
I guess that's the way things are at the moment - I am to fund him. All our physical needs are met - house, car, food, occasional holidays etc. There isn't really that much 'fun money' leftover at the end of the month. What there is, we should split down the middle, I think. But he wants more than is fair and is unwilling to discuss it with me.
I put half of the money he asked for in his account, showed him the budget and explained why. He walked away in the middle of the conversation.
I suppose a 180 would be to put him in total control of the family finances. But to be honest, this feels like I'd be acting like a door mat. And if we're going to do that, we have to have a conversation about the change - for a start - we'd need to go to the bank together to make changes to the accounts. But he won't talk to me or go anywhere with me. He isn't really interested in a marriage, and if we're only going to be housemates, then he can find his own fun money.
I am really stuck as to the right thing to do in this conversation. He's been clear he's only with me for practicalities, and I want better than that. If he doesn't want to be a husband, I don't see why he should get the benefits of being a husband. I don't feel I am getting any benefits from being his wife. But then again - it shouldn't be tit for tat like this, someone has to start, and it may as well be me.
