WAS or what (2)

[roist]

I am likely to break this down to several posts. Bare with me if it is long.

The week before our holiday I spent five days practically 24/7 with w and it was good. Relatively good. Easy conversation, jokes, smiles, eye contact and no negativity.

This changed a few days before leaving where W became distant and withdrawn. This continued throughout the trip. She was never cold but not interactive with me. Basically felt like she was on holidays with her kids and I was there with mine.

Long story short, if I was to feel so alone I honestly would have preferred to be alone with the boys. This really affected me and I don't know if I want to go through that again.
I
Before everyone hits me with the detach, detach detach speach, I know. But I haven't been fired as H. We still share a bed and live as a family. I think it [censored] if after all this effort that it is me that ends that. But that being said this situation cannot continue indefinitely.

I want her so much, in every way and I want us to have a happy life together and keep family together. On the other hand, I don't want the actual situation to continue. This is a big conflict for me. At times I would prefer to be separated than support the lack of affection etc.

I feel I am near the point where I need to prepare plan B.

Got to go. I'll finish this later,