Pursuit and distance really makes sense to me. We have had the pattern - from very early on in our relationship - that I was the one to initiate meeting, dates, contact, conversations, etc. I don't think I have ever felt or been certain that he'd 'choose me'. When the children arrived and there was less time for him to be alone, my pursuing him used to cause arguments, he'd distance himself, I'd chase him further, and round and round we went.
I really had a lightbulb moment about this a couple of years ago and dropped the rope - not of the relationship - but in trying to get him to spend time with me, pay attention to me, etc. I felt that once he felt safer and more in control of his own time, he would, perhaps, start imitating contact with me. That has not happened. Maybe it was the wrong decision?
I will read more and think about this further but any advice would be more than welcome.
