Today was an unscheduled day for me to spend times with my boys. It was very sweet of my wife to ok it since we have agreed on every other weekend sharing for now. She had previously mentioned that I should see the kids more than once a week in a week.
Well, I took my boys fishing all was good. Wife joined us at the lake and that is when I got sucked into a talk with her that I was mentally playing games with her. Says quit doing certain things (my 180's) cause they annoy her or I haven't done that for a long time.
I tried to deescalate the conversation, but she counters with you don't listen to me since I am now speaking my mind. I say to myself here we go and proceed to stop her and I walk away. We get to the cars and she says I am the reason for the stress and that why she has been going to the Doctor.
I fall back in and fail because I told her my feelings for concern for her was there and I cared about her and that I can't stop my feelings like a faucet, etc and get soppy and tell I miss our family and how can she do this without trying again.
Epic failure!
Anyway, she said get over things and get use to this lifestyle. Tell your Therapist your problems and you'll understand.
I can see that she doesn't respect me and her eyes look either angry and lost.
Going to start over at Day 1.
God's Will, will be done and Family and Peace will be restored.
Hey FDU, no big deal. The fact is WW is so far gone you really don't need to sweat every 'mistake' in your interactions. It's like operating on a dead body, no major consequences if you drop the scalpel. She's obviously extremely angry and has made up her mind that no matter what you do you're wrong and all of the pain in her life from the M, the D, and everything else is all your fault.
I know how hard it is when your W betrays you like this. BT mentioned it- that men's #1 most important thing is feeling admired and approved of by their wives- so when they condemnt you instead it's like the ultimate hurt.
But now you have to fire her from being able to commentate on your life. You have to demote her to someone you have to handle for the sake of the kids. It stinks, but this is your only option.
Continue to make changes for you. No such thing as 'back to day 1' because you've already calmed down a bit and started on your journey. If you're measuring 'days with positive interactions with WW' then stop it. Let her go. That should come as a natural byproduct of you working on you, but the fact is it will be a long time before she gives a hoot, and it's very possible she never will, so give yourself the job she used to have and give yourself approval for the steps you've taken.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
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Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
