Still DB'ing - Still Learning from WAW (6)

[asitis]

Sorry you're struggling PP. I know a lot of folks here think I've got it all together, but I go through days like that. They often catch me totally off guard with no obvious trigger event. They pass a lot easier. My best advice is don't fight them, but also let them be a reminder that we need to look at where our focus is drifting and think about where we'd like it to be for our own well-being and that of the R.

With me, it is usually I've allowed some sign of improvement/thaw plant that little seed of hope when the big wave comes and blind sides me. It is hard, as even though I recognized that hope is something that really is about a distant future, I can't help myself.

I really do thing she loves you still. I really see evidence that there is hope in your sitch. I really see evidence that you are doing very well to increase the odds of that. I also know that it won't be soon. Even if she is starting to pay attention and unconsciously adjusting her perspective on you, there is no way she is going to allow herself to reverse course at this point. She has a journey still ahead of her. The little signs of change are just that. Probably if she were to become aware that she was changing it would scare the cr*p out of her and she'd pull back. It has to develop slowly and subtly enough that by the time she realizes it she can't deny that she feels what she feels for you. Whether that happens or not remains to be seen, but it is actually a good thing that it won't be soon that she realizes this.

Now, maybe she is seeing OM. It doesn't sound like this has been her driving force. It sounds like she is focused on herself. Even if she sees someone, I don't get the read from what you've said that she is in the frame of mind to want something serious from anyone right now. That's just the way I read it. It will hurt to find out that she may be dating, even if it is casually, but I wouldn't see this as a threat. Just something you might have to figure out if you can handle knowing without blowing up any chance at reconciliation. If ultimately you would give her the chance, then I'd just try to put OM out of your mind. Given what you've said, they are an obstacle unless you make it one.

I hope the clouds pass quickly.