Answer to: "why didn't you hear it from ME?"

[asitis]

I'm not sure how what you wrote was conflicting advice. You stop pursuing. That doesn't mean you get rude. It doesn't mean that you don't pull your weight in whatever aspects of life you share (house, cooking, etc.). Just realize that playing super H will not work. If this was an issue, you work on it because you want to be a better person and the reality is that you need to develop new habits, but that will not draw her back.

She doesn't see you as a couple. She doesn't want you as an H. By learning to focus on your GAL, you become interesting. That might start to draw her attention. You start focusing on your life & moving forward with it and letting her have her space. That is doing more than any of the superficial courtship actions will do right now, as you are respecting her decision and request, taking her needs seriously, and handling it with dignity and courage.

At the same time, try to show a consistency to some of those changes she may have identified as problems that you recognize as something you think are good changes for healthy Rs in general. So, don't focus on those, but attend to your share of things. Just don't do it hoping to get her attention and get credit. Do it because it is who you want to be. Only then can it be authentic. And, it won't count at all to her until she decides she wants to reconsider her decision. If she does, you want to have built some new sustainable habits. But again, it won't count until then.

Maybe I'm missing what you see as contradictory between what Sandi & the others are telling you, so if you think that is the case, maybe try to restate it a bit to make it clearer.