Answer to: "why didn't you hear it from ME?"

[Flight]

It is confusing listening to conflicting advice, especially when much of it sounds good depending on the situation. Sandi2 for example has a much "tougher love" approach being a WAW herself. She talks about removing yourself from the equation as a husband. Stop bringing her coffee and seeing her off in the morning, ironing her clothes, etc. But what if the WAW already did that? From either guilt or "I don't want to have to depend on you for anything", she has already maneuvered things so that there really isn't anything you can do for her, right down to her running to the car door to open it herself so you can't do it for you?

I see that not pressuring her, yet being available to do nice things could work and has improved things slightly. That school of thought is that you consistently be a better option and who wouldn't fall back in love with someone always validating them and doing nice things for them. The other school of thought is "she is playing you" and you need to be as distant as aloof as possible without being cold. Taking that to the extreme, you are out every weekend and don't come home until 2am. How do you know when to try to rebuild connection slowly and when to go LRT extreme?