Help for LBH who has a WW (new thread)

[sandi2]

No, my H was not DBing. I wish I could tell posters all the things he did that affected my decision. He had no tools, and as far as I know, did not try to find any. When I decided to stay in my M, I pleaded with him to go with me to MC. He simply refused to see anyone about our problems.

My story runs true to most other WW's. The unusual part is that I was the one who accidentally stumbled upon this board and was desperate to have someone talk straight to me. I was still contacting OM when I joined the board.

It was nothing my H did that actually impacted my decision to stay in the M. I had always been the one to set the pace and nourish the relationship. He even told me that he expected to see me put a 100% efforct into working on the MR. That was nearly enough to make me walk out. I felt it had always been me to put the effort into the MR. I understand, now, why he said it, however, I had the mindset of a WW, at the time. One of the hardest things I ever had to do was to stay in the M and knowing that he would never change and be like I wanted him to be. So, he did not have anyone to tell him what to do and what not to say.

My decision was based on doing the right thing. My heart was not in it. My feelings wete dead. It was up to me to find a way to heal and to go forward, without depending or expecting him to put forth any more effort than he had ever done.

The one thing I can give him much credit is when he told me we would not remain friends if I decided to leave him. I was truly shocked! (Sounds just like a WW, huh?).
I couldn't imagine my life without him wanting any friendship crumbs I threw him. He also told me that I could not leave and then expect to come back again. That also shocked me! Imagine him not wanting Sandi back! I thought he would be destroyed (Oh, The mindset of a WW).

He has been good to me. He forgave me. He has never thrown the A, or my behavior, in my face. He has continued to love me.