Mozza (13) + Links to success stories

[asitis]

I agree that it doesn't signal a moving on with a focus on you that is probably healthier for you and best for the prospects of the R. That said, it was a one time incident, and your pattern of actions will speak much more loudly than the e-mail.

So, how do you think you can shift your focus to your path in a way that signals to her that you accept her path and are moving ahead w/ or wo/ her better? Again, it has to be genuine. And you are already doing some things along these lines. But to really show that the pressure and pursuit are off probably requires looking at what you are still doing that undermines that message & what you could change to really turn towards yourself in a way that she sees and feels that you're moving ahead? Only then can she maybe relax a bit herself and also perhaps feel a bit of worry that the loss is hers not yours.

We all have worked on GAL & detaching, but there really seems to need to be a further shift in attitude and focus that comes long after we think we've done the work to stop pursuing. I've seen it in so many threads here, where someone finally just gets to that point where they truly accept that this needs to be about them and that they are truly done w/ fixing the R unless a significant change happens in the WAS. Not that they close the door totally, but that maybe shut the storm door while leaving the inner door unlocked. I know that when I had that turn, I was amazed at how much I was still pursuing and keeping the pressure on by focusing on her and our R. I was still wanting to figure out how to change the dynamic so that she would return. It was when I dropped that rope that I saw that I only thought I had really stopped the pursuit.

So again, you are doing a lot of good work (and forget about the e-mail as it is in the past now), but what are you going to do to take the next step of really, really embracing your life and remove your focus on her & the R?

p.s., I just noticed that this was my 777 post. Hopefully it will be a lucky one.