11 Months Later... STBX Keeps Insisting On Talking

[HPoirot]

Hello Zephyr. Thank you for your encouragement. Unfortunately, I do have some time constraints. If I'm to get S12 into my first options for school in Florida, I must start the process this fall. That, an my job requires that I move by the end of this year. HR called me last week asking for my move date. Finally, I'm overstaying my time here at the condo. Whatever happens, I have to make a move somewhere.

I slept on it just now... and remembered...

I got here by leaving an emotionally hurtful situation and setting a path for my life... and then got moving in that direction without constantly turning to see if STBXW was following.

When this started... I tried to love my M to life. As soon as I tested that... no MC while OM... I got crushed. It's been like that ever since... I get crushed/insulted/lied to every time I backslide and show any leniency.

Sure my life would be easier if I was just agreeable, talkative, and even friendly no matter what. She would love that... and I would get strung along while she goes back and forth forever.

This way, by drawing a line and sticking to it, I made space enough to make (admittedly slow) progress in my life and now I have a destination and a dream to work towards. I'm am building a stronger emotional center by not basing my happiness on external validation. I am becoming a better me. I'm even happy much of the time.

So I'm going to detail my proposal to her in an email. I'm going to get legal help. I'm going to keep moving forward and away from her. "Acting as if" is turning into simply "doing."

Yes, there is a part of me that wants to tell her how much I want to talk with her and fix our R. I miss her sometimes. I still feel hurt when I think of all this.

But showing her all that won't help. She'll just see me as weak and I'll be back at square one.

I'm thinking, if there is any chance of R in my case, I keep going as I am. Counterintuitive. I was just reading Sandi's thread on WW again and it still fits.

So I keep going.

Onwards.