I have been super busy at work. Turns out the guy I am working for is a very difficult man with whom to work with, never mind work for. This is new territory for me as I have always had very good relationships with all my managers. A few months ago I started to get the read that he is quite insecure/easily threatened by new ideas/approaches and then counters with blatant passive aggressiveness. And to boot, he has completely outdated views of women! Think Mad Men in the early episodes. Work environment deteriorated to the point that I dreaded going to work, wasn't sleeping, cringed at the sight of him and sound of his voice, etc.
Anyway, ended up doing db at work with manager! I went as dark as you can with your boss without being insubordinate. Then I went in and talked to upper management about it. This is a HUGE 180 for me as I never would have done this in the past. I have always had a fear of being fired, even though I never have been. So I was really scared until I got really mad. There just came this point where it hit me how wrong it was that he could treat someone like this at work. I have worked for this company for a few years now and yet he was treating me with less respect than the unpaid interns.
Long story short, I took time and thought about my boundaries and about what I needed to make this work. Then I went in and talked to upper management and they backed me! They told me I am valued and thanked me for my work and met all my requests. They also asked me to document everything with manager. I was so worried about talking to them but it became clear this was not new info. to them!
Meanwhile H seems to have ducked into some new tunnel. On Friday we had to take one of my sons somewhere w/his friends. H did compliment me on how I looked and later in the night he thanked me for always being good to him when it came to certain things that were important to him. But H was eerily aloof and quiet. The problem is when I am not with him I am very good at not spinning. I have really learned a lot here.
But he was so zoned out, my mind went off on this crazy trajectory: he was going to bomb me again, he wants out of this M, he does not want me, etc. It came to the point where I was just paralyzed with fear that this was all going to start from BD again. I realize I have a ton of work to do in this area.
Then out of the blue he started to talk and childhood stories came out of him like they were being printed from a computer. Many of them I knew, but more detail was added. Many stories I did not know. He told me I was a very good mother as he told dysfunctional stories of his own mother. He had such sadness about him, it was heartbreaking. It was hard to listen to it all. I felt so worn out just by hearing it.
The next day he was solo the whole day. Despite it being a weekend day he kept to himself all day pretty much. We had made plans and he politely blew those off. It was clear he didn't really want to talk with or see me.
I was frustrated by it as he had a long peekout this past week and a half so the snap back to withdrawal was hard. He's always been a distancer but what hit me hard was that we made these plans w/kids together and then he bails but says he will come and relieve me for a while. He kept saying he would relieve me and I didn't need relieving, I needed and wanted some companionship.
Hard as it was I took the high ground, let him "relieve me" and then went off by myself for a bit. He kept to himself all evening too.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
