Let's All Be Like Coffee

[V2pt0]

One other topic I wanted to touch on was DB and dealing with an active A. Before I filed, I did send message to OW to tell her I hope she is happy for contributing to the distruction of an M and that she has no business being in her position. I felt it important that she knows that I know who she is. I am assuming my H had shared our conversations, but not certain. Just trying to help it out of the fantasy stage by shining some light on it and adding some pressure.

I do have to say that I think one area of DB approaches that I am not entirely convinced of is how to deal with an active A. I think that Starsky's approach of snooping to confirm and then tough love by exposing it and doing everything to make it die out ASAP might be the better approach versus trying to wait it out and friend your spouse back. I think the longer the A goes on, the harder R will be. More importantly, there are considerations of the affects of one's self-esteem and mental health by just living with it. Just my observation from trying to do the later. Hard to know for sure, but I think there needs to be more discussion around the various approaches.