new here

[asitis]

It doesn't sound like he is seeing you as a fallback (just my reading - sounds like courting behavior). The question is, is he willing to do the hard work it will take to restore the M?

I'd be hesitant on the overnight, but it sounds like you are OK with going ahead. Obviously don't do anything you are uncomfortable with. As Z said, there will be time.

Definitely don't drop your GAL just because he is giving you some attention and showing your some signs of hope. That very likely is what is drawing him back. He also may lose interest if he sees that the new exciting you is not going to be sustained and you're headed back to the same old, same old. Accept some invitations, but continue to focus on your life apart from him. If it's working, don't stop. Too soon to tell, but you're starting to see some kind of promising pattern.

Good luck. At least one of us might be getting some coffee

[lonelee]

Thank you.. the overnite was a success. We had fun nice dinner some dancing some coffee.

I waited till the ride home and decided to touch upon the OW a little.
He said he hasnt talked to her in about a month and he doesnt think about it very often. I said my impression was that it was more on her end that things were slowing down and I knew from our discussions previously that I felt he really was interested in a relationship with her. He said no that was not the right impression and that he hasnt reached out to her and that when he was moving out he really didnt know what the future relationship would be with her, probably because she is married too with children and GC.

I said that I wanted to be sure to give him the space and time that he needs and I was concerned that by me being available to him would cloud things for him so to speak and I wanted to be respectful of his needs right now. I also said I dont want to be in a triangle relationship either. He understood what I meant . He also stated he hasnt done anything with me that he hasnt wanted to do.

In the sceam of things there really isnt anything any different about the way I feel about us or the situation with OW than before I asked. It doesnt change things much. Now is not the right time to ask about him and our R or demand that he make a decision or vow his commitment that he is done with a letter etc. There may be a time in the future that I would require those types of things but we are not there yet.

We did talk about how he is feeling and his stress level and that is much improved for him which is great. He is living very simplistic with no clutter.. makes his bed daily and the house is neat and tidy when he leaves and comes home and that is comforting to him. I totally get it.

I know theres lots here in our home that would / did make him anxious that I can do physically to make it better for him here. However after talking about it some I bet he wont be able to move back home. The house is 4 bedroomn 2 and 1/2 baths two living rms etc.. needs some fixing up cosmetically but I dont think he has it in him to do anything about it. Certainly not right now and probably not in the future. This is ok for me as we had talked previously about selling anyway. He talked a bit about "we" can do xyz to the rent house to make things better there. I didnt comment on that.. just thought huh hes saying "we"... haha

So I am hopeful still. We are a long ways from reconcilliation at this point which is fine . I like were we are at right now. We both admitted at how much we are learning about ourselves right now which is perfect. I was concerned about how I would feel about us going seperate ways after spending the night together and im really fine right now. Didnt get sad or tear up like I thought I might. Im good. Maybe it will happen later .. I dunno.. maybe this how im suppossed to feel.

I feel really peaceful for now...

[Zues126]

Simply an awesome trip. Well done and congrats on a good night.

[ep0215]

Sounds like a good night indeed. I'm happy for you

[lonelee]

Have been busy this week havent posted much. I just registered for an adult ed class nutritional eating and mindfulness.. its a start.. also hoping to keep the 30 lbs ive lost off since all this began in april.

The time is dragging but other than that things are going smoothly. Nothing solid yet in the way of answers or progressing toward the relationship mending yet but I believe we are slowly making progress. I will take this as slowly as necessary to make sure we are going to make a better marriage going forward. I hope he will be willing to do the work when it is his turn.

I wont settle for just having him back. Im investing now for a good return on my investment later.

[lonelee]

Oh my goodness im at 95 .. 96 posts now .. how do I start a new thread??? Haha

[Azzork]

Oh my goodness im at 95 .. 96 posts now .. how do I start a new thread??? Haha

Click "New Topic"
And away you go!!

[lonelee]

Thank you!

[Zues126]

Oh my goodness im at 95 .. 96 posts now .. how do I start a new thread??? Haha

Click "New Topic"
And away you go!!

What a cute exchange. Nice save Azzork.

Reminds me of when I was like 8 years old. My friend got a BRAND NEW SHINY BIKE for his birthday. Before he'd even rode it once he asked if I wanted to try it out. So I hop on and started getting it going, booking down the sidewalk.

Only problem was...this was a 10 speed...with HANDLEBAR BRAKES. I had only ridden kids bikes with one gear, where to break you back-pedal. Soooooooooooo......as the sidewalk reached a "T" with a wooden fence at the end I start trying to slow down. Needless to say my feet spin backwards in circles and nothing happens. SMASH! Into the fence I go. I got a bit beat up, but the bike was seriously wounded. Maybe mortally. I can't remember. But broken reflector plastic and bent metal for sure.

Funny how memory works. I can't remember the aftermath. But I felt horrible, that much I remember.

Anyway, silly how sometimes the smallest things can make a big difference