Wife says "NO" and acting like I have no rights

[asitis]

Sounds like you are struggling, but making good use of that struggle.

I'd say that progress is often measured by what is not continuing to happen. Things aren't getting worse. She is not escalating. You are not reacting.

I agree that it is best if you refocus your efforts away from trying to win her back. Even unintentionally, you are probably signalling pressure and pursuit to her, which is undermining that project. Of course you need to look at and work on the problematic behaviors, but you've been here long enough to learn that that isn't going to do it. It is changing the dance by taking the focus off her & the M, and putting it on you and your life. It both gives the M (or just the R if the M can't be repaired) the best chance and builds an interesting, resilient, happy FDU that likes himself and others what to be around.

Anyway, that M can't be saved. Your W doesn't want to save it. Let it die by focusing on yourself, then maybe she can start considering a new M with you. That will not happen soon. It may not happen at all.

So, look at the signs of progress both by what happens, but also what is not happening. But see them just as signs that things may be slowly moving to the next stage, and that stage is just one of several that will have to play out before you can even approach the question of having a close, loving, intimate R between these two people who are both discovering & remaking themselves.

I know it was hard for me to wrap my brain around the seeming contradictory message of it is best to give up hope, but don't give up hope. I could sort of see it intellectually, but it wasn't something I really got or was able to accept for a long time.

Hang in there and I hope the blues pass soon.