Last Night I was thinking to myself trying to figure out what they hell I did to get myself here and to put my family in this really bad place.
I started to think about what I have been doing and what I have been trying to change to make this right for me again and not thinking about my wife and why she is doing what she is doing.
Although I was and am a pretty darn Awesome Dad, I wasn't the best husband I could have been while we were together. I failed to be...miserably, but honestly I do love my wife with all my heart.
My actions didn't back up my words which are worthless to my wife now. I hurt her and don't know if I can ever gain back her trust and love. I really was wrong and hurtful.
I have been working at implementing Divorce Busting and have made absolutely no progress with my wife that I can see. I am doing DB with the best of intentions and yet again I am failing miserably at following the steps laid out by my DB Counseling, in the DB Remedy Book, and in addition to the best advice a man can get from a wonderful group of people who are themselves going through trouble times and have broken hearts and are very much hurting too.
I have been reading way into wife's text's to me analyzing her words looking for hope. I was trying to get into her head saying being a family is best for the boys no matter what. I was telling how I couldn't stand the fact that my boys would be living in a house with another man raising them if she got together with someone else since my boys are young. All of this and many more BS I did or brought up just made her furious and stronger in her mission to be apart.
I say to myself she must be human and be feeling something and how can she just throw away 10 years and our family away? Well, I personally can't, but apparently she can.
Well, I can go on forever, but from this day forward I am vowing to release my intentions of trying to win, for a lack of a better word, her back.
I am promising that I am, to the best of my ability, to lovingly detach and respect her wishes that we are no longer together. As hard as it is and difficult to accept this is what I must do.
I love my wife and kids so much. I wish I could make us a family again and maybe if it our God's will then it shall be.
So until then, I will continue to love and be there for my boys and be an involved and Awesome Daddy!
I will be a thoughtful supportive Co-Parent with my wife while we are apart and also be Happy, cheerful, and respectful when around her.
In Jesus' name may the best outcome for the boys and us become reality and may Peace rain upon all of us as God's will.
