I was just journaling (in my real journal, which, believe it or not, is actually MORE wordy than the one online...) and realized I didn't see a repeat baby step this morning. Maybe because I have become accustomed to HUGE baby steps, I have become blind to the smaller ones. Do repeat baby steps count? Or is it only when a baby step is done for the first time that it counts?
Anyway, H gave me his usual goodbye hug. Then, I asked him to take out some of the garbage, and I would do the rest. He came and gave me a second hug and I got bouncy. I said (in my cutest voice, of course) "fill me up, fill me up with hugs!!!" Well, he just laughed at me and got this really happy look on his face and gave me a HUGE bear hug and bounced me up and down a few times. (Yes, despite my 50+ pounds to lose, H can still pick me up. Whew!)
Then he text'd me "have a good day" on his car ride in. And at break, he emailed me paintball stuff that is on eBay. (I'm looking for a new paintball gun and he was looking for me.) His subject line had in it and I made up a cute song in reply. He replied "OK ok you made me smile. "
So, it's not that I am discounting this stuff, but I have been looking for NEW baby steps. What do you think? Am I crazy? Should I be loving this attention and forget making new steps for now? This is part of the new PATIENT me, but I want to be sure I am correct and should just lay back and love what I get from him for now.
Maybe I should take a cue from Janis Joplin and love the love I have and not take what little I get for granted.
I'm so patient, oh so PATIENT, so patient and HAPPY and FREEEEE! That's MEEEE!
yep...pretty much what I would have guessed! LOL! sounds like fun! I think it makes it doubly hard to grasp how much we need to give up control in our sitchs.
LOL, Underdog/Betsey! I'm insightful almost everywhere except my own sitch and what to do with it. I think that dirty "P" word may be what gets me of track, though....and the "E" word (emotion)...which all circles back around one direction or the other to "control", doesn't it?
Hi Rottz! I'm sure my posts make no sense because I always respond to what I read at the time and then they arent in chronological order according to what they relate to (hmmm, could there be a control freak lurking in there somewhere? surely not!) Anyway, in response to your question about babysteps, I don't know for sure because I'm such a newbie here, but I think continued babysteps are important to note because they would indicate that you've been able to maintain progress....which is certainly important! they could also be a helpful benchmark as far as seeing where you are on your journey. IMHO!
Quote: Well, he just laughed at me and got this really happy look on his face and gave me a HUGE bear hug and bounced me up and down a few times.
I think things are going very VERY well for you!! I think the new patient you is doing just fine. Bask in the attention, there's no reason you shouldn't. That doesn't mean you can't still be on observation for additional babysteps--it's just that maybe they're a little more subtle now, or of a different character.
(BTW, on my lunch break today I pulled my roadbike out of the shed, put some air in the tires, and am hoping to leave early. It's in the mid 60's here today).
(BTW, on my lunch break today I pulled my roadbike out of the shed, put some air in the tires, and am hoping to leave early. It's in the mid 60's here today).
COOL. It's high 50's here, but it feels NICE.
Had a great email discourse at lunch. Me: ... going to take your S13 out for lobstah for his bday H: (in tiny font) Can I come have lobstah? Me: Of course, you are part of this family, I would be delighted to have you. Why did you type so small? H: I was whispering Me: AWWW you are soooo cute. How do you do it? Being cute and snuggly and funny and just plain fun to be around? H: Oh stop. You're making me blush !
What stinks is that tonight I may go home all happy and bouncy from such an UP day and he will be DOWN. I like rollercoasters, but this is ridiculous.
Oh well, I am going to go home "as if" he will be in a fantastic mood.
Who has my almanac? I haven't seen it for a while and I really want to know what the forecast is. And I haven't read it in so long, I am forgetting the date H says "ILY" again to me. I should have marked it on my calendar but I forgot.
New goals 1-2 week: 1. H will hold my hand at least one more time 2. I will make H so happy he will pick me up one time to spin me around or we will wrestle/tickle one time (either) 3. I will get a passionate kiss, or at least another "I want to kiss you but am unsure" look
Long term goals: Still the same 1. H will hold my hands regularly 2. H will kiss me regularly 3. H will say ILY and look at me like he used to
Goals met to date: Hugs (was 'no' hugs) ML (was down to 1x /month and now is 4-5x/week) Admits he has feelings for me to some degree (He "cares") More touching (was 'no' touching) Kisses 2x on lips and many on face (no passionate ones yet) H said he wants to work on M H allowed me to make future plans 2x and to buy season's passes for amusement park H has admitted EA with OW and dumped her a$$ H has stopped going out for "drives" at night or staying in other room because he couldn't stand to be near me Has told me I am beautiful and picked up the compliments Has laughed at my jokes and loosened up around me
WOW! I had to read that list through twice. I have come a long way in a short time.
I definitely recommend doing that for anyone feeling frustrated or stagnant.
I am SO encouraged for you in your post! You have so many terrific things happening, and it's a great exercise to see how far things have progressed for you.
Now do you see the value in PATIENCE? Have you written on the board again?
Keep smiling, chickie. You're doing awesome!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I think the new patient you is doing just fine. Bask in the attention, there's no reason you shouldn't. That doesn't mean you can't still be on observation for additional babysteps--it's just that maybe they're a little more subtle now, or of a different character.
