hold on!! - 12

[u-turn]

Hi Jelly,
Thank you so much for having my back - I knew you would still be here with me. 8^)

Though I am overwhelmed, I have little choice but to plow forward. I believe, somehow, once I tell WW and kids, a heavy weight will be lifted, so I need to get this done.

Sleep has been pretty bad lately, dreams are pretty intense. I actually came home today after school and dozed off for 5 minutes but woke up and realized that this will not due. Dinner, dog walk, business work, kid time - I can do it all and still feel like I'm trying to prove it.

I'm not sure there is much time at this point to work up a great thoughtful speech about why, I do not trust her with my feelings and inner thoughts anyway. For a time after BD, I allowed her into my head, didn't stop her from looking through my phone (where I kept a journal). I knew she was reading this and thought it meant that she cared. Maybe it was true, but she just used it all against me, to stay a step ahead of me - I am embarrassed to admit this, and am angry that she used this against me (that was all quite a while ago - but you do remind me that I don't want to share to much of me with her and feel used again).

I feel really good about my boys - we will be fine - very concerned about D15 and how she will handle this. I think she will feel like she has to be cut in half.

Thanks for the Maori wish - I love that!!

Peace and love
U