Today I realized I can sometimes see the positive side of things. My wife was supposed to leave me last June, after the kids finished school, and move on with her life who knows where. Due to my DBing starting January 2015 we reconciled briefly in June. This made the W decide to stay abroad another year with me. At work she asked for one more year of leave. In the meantime she decided to move on with the divorce, but at least I will be close to my kids one more year because she is staying abroad. Had I not done DB I would not have gained this one year. So instead of thinking that my efforts failed I realize something good happened because of them. How great is this? And I realized this while being bombarded with nuclear subatomic particles (just kidding, I was just doing a cat scan which showed I do not have the hernia I thought I had).
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
Today, during diner, my youngest said: "how is it possible to have sex from love?" (It sounds funnier in my language). I realized that soon I will be deprived almost entirely of these silly conversations around the table. My life will not be the same without the daily presence of my kids. I really hope they will be ok, as my W keeps repeating, maybe trying to convince herself.
And then, after diner, my Mother gave both kids a bath. When we are at my Mother's I let her do everything related to the kids because I know she enjoys it and since we are together only during summer times. Again I realized I will be deprived also of these daily moments. I almost asked my Mother for me to wash the kids, but I stayed silent, just enjoying their interactions. Families are made of these moments and nobody should be willing to destroy them.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
Ripe, it sounds like when your W leaves your kids leave with her. What will be the situation with them, how far will they be, is that what you want? You have every right to be with your children also, don't just assume since W wants out of the M they have to go with her.
I'm not sure what the situation is but you are their father and if what you want is to be with them you have the right to fight for that.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Fogg, My W is finding a new flat for her and the kids. I will not be with them everyday. I am just missing that in anticipation. I really don't know what kind of parenting I will be able to provide my kids once I start living 40 Km away from them. I will have to ask a lot of question around here when the time comes.
Tomorrow, 31 August, is my birthday. I plan to have dinner with my Mother (it's also her birthday), sister, brother and the kids. I really hope my W does not call me to wish me "happy birthday". It would save me the obligation to thank her for some empty politeness.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
Can't my wife realize it's what is she doing to the kids?
In her opinion it is not about the kids. Everything is about what she wants in that instant (and subject to change without notice).
I am in shock. W is already abroad since 25 August. School starts next Monday and the kids and I are flying this Saturday. W has just told me she has changed her mind and will no longer be staying abroad one more year. She is right now preparing everything to come back to our home country and is actively searching for a school for the kids. I am holding an emergency family meeting to discuss my options with my family. This morning W informed me she had gone to the school to ask for the return of the tuition. I told W to wait one day for my answer and to not do anything until then.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
Well, I had a meeting with my family. I decided that, in the kids interest, they should spend this year abroad with me. School starts in a couple of days and they have their life organized there. I decide to fight my W if she woulf be willing to bring the kids with her. My mother accepted to move abroad with me in order to support the kids. Later on I called my W to announce this decision. Surprise, surprise, she decided to stay because the school would only return 40% ot the already paid anual tuition. Considering she had decided to go back due to her health and depression issues, I suggested she could go back and the kids would stay with me. She immediatly declined, saying she would never leave the kids behind. Never mind this was what she had planned for me, to separate them from me. She is again looking for a flat.
Out of this something good happened: I got closer to my family as never before and I know now I can count on them. This is a huge change in my life, the fact that I was able to share my feelings and emotions with them, and DB is responsible for it. W is not even aware of this, so definetely I did not do it because of her.v
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
In a few hours I am flying with my kids. I start working and they start school this Monday. Right now My heart is just full with love: love for my kids, love for my family. I also feel grateful: I had two marvelous weeks at my Mother's and enjoyed every single second I was here. I felt blessed for being able to appreciate what was being offered to me, be it a sunset, the sea, my kids' smile, my nephews noise, my Mother, my sister, my two brothers and my SIL, the dinner we had by the river, our bike rides, the fair. My heart is light, this moment I don't hate my STBXW. I wish her all the hapiness in the world.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
So many things have happened since I arrived that I don't know where to start. I arrived with my kids on Saturday evening. I kissed W and was very cheerful. She acted the same. She had to sleep for two hours with S9 because he missed so much his Granny he could not fall asleep.
Sunday morning W wanted to talk to me. She explained she needed to set a clear plan for the upcoming months to preserve her own health. We discussed kids activities, finances, divorce agreements.
I went outside to play with my kids. The landlord made lunch and S9 lunched with them. He then went to their flat, which is downstairs from ours. He told us not to worry, S9 was "at home". I mentioned this to W (because she is moving out) and she said: "you cannot have everything". She keeps saying she wants a new house, one with another "light and energy".
In the afternoon W told me her mobile phone had been hacked by someone who had entered her Facebook and Gmail. I gave her lots of advises concerning Android devices and made her install an antivirus. I was concerned about this conversation because I had decided to have a conversation with her later on regarding my own spying. It was not clear if she was accusing me of this recent intrusion.
W went out to show the kids the flat she found. She invited me but I declined. She knows I am against the move because the kids are better where they currently live. When they came back she told me at dinner time she would listen to their opinion and only then decide. The kids came ecstatic with the new flat "we are all moving to" because it has fire stairs and a place to store bicycles (in a town where is madness to ride a bike). It has one bedroom for each kid and a couples bed for mom and daddy, said S9.
We watched a movie while eating popcorns. Exactly like old times.
During dinner kids decided to move. I stayed silent, but still think we are all moving.
Last edited by Ripe; 09/07/1512:50 PM.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15