Yeah, I'm not saying I'm right, but for me hope was the devil. It just gets in the way of detachment.
I know, you could say it's a motivator for personal growth...but if we're really doing the growth for us we don't need that motivator. And the changes we make due to 'hope' are therefor the ones that aren't likely to sustain. Oh, we could go down the path of 'using hope to establish habits that will later be for ourselves', but really the best thing to do is let go of hope and put that energy into things we can control.
Not saying that's easy...I guess I have the same DB coach as As...sounds like Jodi all day long. We contract them with the goal of saving the M and they definitely try for that. I think their fear is that if they tell us it's over we will stop working on ourselves or something. Not sure. What I know is that I was 'hopeful' for the first three months, thought I saw 'signs of progress' such as questioning her decision, asking if I was seeing anyone, telling me she was starting to like the person I was becoming, etc...only to lead to a reality check so catastrophic I still wouldn't believe it if it hadn't happened to me.
Anyway, maybe that's where I needed to be at the time, and maybe it was good to plant some positive seeds with her before we parted ways entirely. But hope hasn't done anything but trip me up and cause me pain, and my heart goes out to all of those that cling to the idea of saving your M. I hope a few do, but that will happen with or without your hope.
It reminds me of 'trying to win'. I play competitive pool. One thing I have learned is there's no use in 'trying to win'. What does that even mean? I mean, you can't control the outcome. There is no guarantee you'll win. So trying to do something out of your control just creates pressure on yourself. Instead, I try to fight my hardest. Leave it all on the table. Hit every shot with my best effort. Enjoy the challenge I'm faced with. All of those things I CAN control. This creates confidence instead of pressure, because I can do those things. I enjoy myself more, play better, and hey, if I happen to get to the finish line first I'll get the trophy regardless of what I was 'trying' to do.
Sorry if I'm jaded, each to their own, wish you all well on your journeys, and I do know it will work out for everyone who does the work and has faith...I'll trust God to decide what working out looks like in my life.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
