I think it was sunny that said you sound stuck and I feel like I agree with that.
Boundaries are an interesting thing because they can be loving or punitive and easily done wrong. The crux seems to be to work out from what emotional place your boundaries are coming from and why they matter to you.
Why do you feel your idea of boundaries would be about punishment?What would your boundaries be?
I'm going to expand the lighthouse analogy for a sec so forgive me if I ramble, and all entirely my I'll informed opinion.
But imagine that at BD, your EXW set off from your family lighthouse in a little boat in a great storm. Things got rough for her and then she found this small jaggedy, outcrop of rock to cling on to as a tiny refuge (OM). It's not pleasant there and she doesn't like it but the storm is still raging and so she is afraid to leave.
Through the gloom she can see you have rebuilt the lighthouse and she now knows what she has left but she has so many fears, about the storm, about the journey, about what she will find if she gets there and whether she would even be welcome.
Her fears keep her stuck and she may need help or an incentive (or both) to get unstuck.
What that incentive is, is up to you.
But RD centric GAL won't hurt either way....
I hope you don't mind my ramblings.
Take care mate.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
