o, Betsey and Rotts! who was it, Sage? who had a thread called "when the student is ready the teacher appears" or something like that...anyway, that popped into my head as I've read these last few posts...You see, I havent posted much about it here, but control has been a huge issue in our marriage as well, in fact in the first big row we had after I found out about A, he said one of the things that was a big problem was that I always butted heads with him...why did I always do that? That shook me to my shoes, and I made a vow right then and there to QUIT doing that...both of us are oldest, which is a bad combo, because oldest are used to being in charge. OW is a youngest...you guessed it...she likes to let somebody take charge and take care of her... I wish to heck I'd gotten this clue many many years ago....and H was not at all good at helping me get it, although as Betsey said it's against the law to shoot them because they can't communicate well. So, I'm obviously not all the way there yet, but I've backed way off on the control issue....I have to say I'm much better, little things that would have driven me nuts 6 or 8 mos. ago hardly even register now because it did dawn on my dense brain that I was creating this problem in his mind, this was also something OW gave him I didn't, and I had to let it go. It's been very very difficult, but I don't think we even started to make any babysteps until I was able to "check my pride at the door" (I think Michelle said that) and just give it up... This is rambling and probably doesn't even make sense, but I guess the last couple of posts hit a nerve. now that I look at it in relationship to my sitch again, I think this is something I've done right that would have been a big 180 that led to some baby steps... Rottz, you've mentioned being a tomboy, I was also...curious to know if you're an oldest or only child. I'd almost bet Money Betsey is!
