Still DB'ing - Still Learning from WAW (6)

[Zues126]

Hey PigPen. It can be very frustrating. My favorite is the statistic about how people 5 years after their D are happier then when they ended their marriage. Duh! The M was in a bad spot! What that neglects to mention is that people that stay in their M are happier 5 years later as well- AND STILL BLEEPING MARRIED!

So things going better being equated to justification for D can be a logical brain trick, and irritating to hear. But as long as you recognize that this is WAWs way of alleviating her guilt and justifying her decision then you can at least understand what's driving it and transcend that stuff.

The sad part is that there is some truth to the fact that things will get better post DB in a short term view. If you look at quality of life on a 1-3 year vantage point the D makes sense as it means you are 'free', you can date other people and have endorphin rushes, you can live in the fantasy of the potential of great things in your future...compare that to the hard agonizing work of piecing and dealing with your problems. The issue is that in the long view, the 10-50 year view, it's much better to work through those issues and have a durable and improved M than to run and start over, building a new faulty structure on top of a poor foundation of a broken family.

That's why this process takes so long and why so many sitch's never turn around. Most people don't have this view and it takes years for them to really get this. And many never do.

BT commented and I replied about how DB can keep us in denial and hold us back from reaching closure on our loss. I believe in standing for M, and DB road. But truly the M is over and it is unlikely to work out for any of us. This doesn't mean we shouldn't DB, do 180s for us, and continue to stand by our M...just that we should do that because it's what we believe and we want to be better people, not because we expect it to save our M. Be PP2.0 and be proud of your decisions, understand it probably won't matter, learn to accept that, and if your in the minority who's WAS comes out of the fog in the next couple of years you can figure it out from there. But there's no avoiding the loss, so stay on your road and continue to let go and move forward.