Still DB'ing - Still Learning from WAW (6)

[PigPen]

This is a good way to look at it As. She didn't have to ask and check in. My mind reading still tells me that she's trying to make sure that I'm OK but only as it eases her of her own burden. My W has tried a few times to get me to agree that since there's been so much positive change in my life since she left that this was all a really great decision. I'm not there yet nor do I know if I ever will be.

Appreciate your thoughts on this though, you are right - she did ask.
PP

I do find this type of response from the WAS strange, as like you said its one way for them to lift the guilt, justify their own actions .... The image of your spouse wrecking your Vintage Corvette, she is sorry she wrecked it but look with that insurance money you now have a new Truck. Most of us would prefer that old Vette which was irreplaceable. .... Hard to explain it to a non-car lover eh?

To compound this .. its almost adds some guilt for the LBS that DBing and reinventing themselves, doing better ... is working against them, as if one were a mess the WAS would say "Wow look at you, you are a mess, this is not working out lets work on the M" ... enough to make a person crazy .. oh wait ... to late for me.

So true Cali, it makes no sense to me but I understand the underlying reasoning. My W told me right after BD that since she was beautiful, and my ex was beautiful, it meant I would attract another beautiful woman...I couldn't for the life of me figure out how that was supposed to make me feel better. I completely get the Corvette analogy. I love her, not her looks.

And your second point has been a big issue for me to overcome. When I started doing more GAL and feeling better about myself, the exact response was, "I know you're doing better now without me than you could with me, this is the Universe's way of telling us both that we should be D." For the next few weeks I just stayed home and kept to myself. It was like GAL'ing and DB'ing was going to directly lead to the D. It was giving her justification for it!

I get it now but that was a tough one to get through as well. She doesn't need justification. She can find externalities and tell me they're the justification but they aren't.

Thanks for stopping by.

PP