There were a lot of heated words, some truth darts interspersed. I just don't want to rehash them anymore. I am ashamed. Getting them off my chest made no difference to my sitch. If anything, I felt 10 times worse.
Well yeah, I doubt after hearing this she's going to suddenly come to her senses...but.......
Originally Posted By: RAI
Well, it's the morning after. Now that I have had some time to parse things (and cry), here are my thoughts: 1) I felt terrible most of the morning because I lost my composure. I was angry at myself for the hurtful words used. Even if they are true. I was angry at myself because I allowed WW to dictate my behavior. I have a choice in how I behave and respond. I am RAI - I am supposed to rise above it. 2) I am frustrated that any anger I show is evidence she shores up to demonstrate how terrible I am. 3) I feel bad because the Kids were still awake upstairs and heard us arguing. I don't think they heard any details, but I would really feel terrible if they did.
I left the house immediately after to get together with a friend who helped me decompress as little. S13 felt the need to call me moments after I left to see if I was ok. Some lighthouse I am to him! RAI
You know - if you really internalize that this type of thing makes you feel worse, not better, and you start to move beyond the need to say such things, it may have served its purpose.
As for the kids - well, I don't think it's good for kids to hear their mom is "a bad mother" regardless of how you feel in the heat of the moment. I do think it's ok to let them see some of your pain and anger. You can't shield them from everything in life and I decided my my initial stiff upper lip may have caused my daughters to think I didn't really care. I think it was better for them once I started to show that, yes, I have felt hurt. I think it helped validate their own hurt feelings.
