H looked like he has something to say. He stood in the doorway of the bedroom as I folded clothes for like 20 minutes. I asked if he wanted to talk, and he said no. So, I continued to fold and talk to dogs. H finally fell down on bed and just lay there. My dog was being a pain, wouldn't stop talking. (Woo woo woo momma...) After about another 10 minutes, I had to take him outside and put him to bed. He was driving me nuts. So, I told H "It is obvious you have something on your mind. I'm here for you if you want to talk. Right now, I am going to take Richter outside and then put him to bed. I will be right back."
Well, I wish I hadn't done that, I think he was close to opening up. But, when I got back, H was on the PS2 and not one more word was mentioned.
Oh well, I guess I will have to be... what was that word again? Pat... pat something.
Anyway, nothing spectacular today. Hug goodbye, with another hug later and a kiss on the cheek. No real baby steps, just a routine. But at least the routine is a nice routine and not the old one of bad feelings and anger before he left for work.
In our sleep, H put his hand on mine. I think he meant to put his arm around me and my hand just happened to be there. But he didn't remove his hand from laying on top of mine. Then, closer to morning, he did the same thing, and as he was half awake, he recoiled. It's so frustrating.
Quote: He stood in the doorway of the bedroom as I folded clothes for like 20 minutes. I asked if he wanted to talk, and he said no. So, I continued to fold and talk to dogs. H finally fell down on bed and just lay there.
I could be wrong, but maybe he just wanted to hang out and be in the same room as you? I know sometimes I probably read way too much into W's behavior. And I know she's done it to me too in the past... I'll just be hanging out daydreaming and she thinks there's something urgent on my mind. We're not mindreaders.
Yeah, possible. But he had that "look" on his face that something was bothering him. But, like you said, it may just be he wanted to be near me. So, I dropped it and will wait to see if he comes to me. :P
In the meantime, I will go back to backing off. I think I have to, I may have gotten too comfortable and that's why the baby steps have stopped and I am feeling a bit of coldness coming from H. Time to "draw him through that door."
I love that analogy. Use it all the time to visualize. Step away from the door and H will wonder where I went. Eventually, he will come to the doorway to peek and find me.
Rott, were you trying to say that nasty P word again in jest? I'm going to get you into habit of saying it aloud. Repeat after me:
PATIENCE IS MY FRIEND. PATIENCE IS MY FRIEND. PATIENCE!!!!
I think your H had something to say. After all, I think I would die of apoplexy if mine actually asked me if I wanted to talk!
I fully understand your reply... after all, he's guilty of wording the question so that it became passive (do YOU want to talk vs I would like to talk). Maybe when things start to become clear that he's working hard you can ask him to be specific in how he words his requests.
BTW, I have the same problem. Mr. Wonderful has a horrid habit of asking me what he should do. I HATE it! Then he gets mad if I answer. The answer to that dilemma was the stupid reply that is now standard fare for me: "I don't know. What do you think?"
Anyhoo.....
Don't ASSume it was bad, or you're going to wind yourself around the flagpole and have that stinkin thinkin. That sucks! Just figure that maybe he was figuring out things in his head and opted for a more safe alternative: keeping his mouth shut.
I love the door analogy too. That draws a really great visual for me, and I think it's perfect for you too. Time to let him wonder what YOU'RE thinking!
You go, girl!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Quote: Patience is my friend. Patience is my friend. Patience is my friend. Patience is my friend. Hey, does this stuff actually work? Because I've been typing it repeatedly for like hours now I don't feel any different.
I literally just about fell out my chair laughing. Thanks.
good one, maybe you should make a recording for yourself: patience is my friend and listen to it every night before you go to bed! Some times you don't see the pay off right away. But I think you have come so far and from our posts it seems like you are getting closer and closer and have a really good friendship as well and he just wanted to be with you!
Yes, it's tough because the closer we get, the more I find myself pursuing him. He is supposed to be the one chasing here. I know that, but I still kiss him in the a.m. and let it be known that I want to have lunches with him again, etc.
I think I am about to go back to square one. We have gotten so comfortable around each other again, I really feel like I have to back off now. And yes, PATIENCE.
I have a plan. Morning: NO more cuddling (boy does that hurt) where we hit the snooze five times and just hold each other -NOPE, I'm going to get up and do my workout, then come back to make him breakfast. This time is both of our favorite, so he will wonder why I am not staying in bed to cuddle.
Lunch- He is too "busy" to meet me, so I am bringing my bike to work to go out riding in the woods nearby.
Evening -he works late often because a coworker retired and they are not replacing him. So, he has 12 hour days lately. His S13 is home alone, so I can't hang out too often. So, I will go home, make dinner, then go back out to the gym when he is about due home.
Lots of physical activity here will (1) get my mind off of pursuing behaviors before they become habit, (2) get me back in competition shape quickly, (3) keep me away from him so that he has to chase me, (4) potentiall make more friends with similar interests.
As long as you're not expecting anything from him, you should be okay. Let's say for the sake of argument, that he says nothing. Since I know I can now use the adjective PATIENT to modify a proper noun (YOU), are you going to feel any resentment if he doesn't respond the way you would like?
Food for thought.
Oh, GO YOU! Does your arm hurt from writing yet? At some point, it WILL kick in. After all, this old dog learned it... so can you!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
