True we don't have kids together, but he is vested in my kids. My daughter was starting into Kindergarden when we got together, now she's going into 7th grade. So H has been the father figure in her life basically her whole childhood. And S17 has found my H to be more of a dad than his biological father. So H is still leaving a family he was connected to. But yes, they are not his flesh and blood and that makes it easier to abandon them.
And he also scorns my parenting style. Thinks I was wrong to help S22 through college; that it was a huge financial burden (which it was) and I could have used the money to live with more affluence… I could have had a nicer car, had my hair done professionally instead of box of dye and cheap Supercuts. So our values and priorities are WAY different, as is our understanding and expectations of "family"
In many ways I can see benefits of moving on without him. But for the most part I still love and desire him, still enjoy his company, and would like to have a future with him. My empty nest would have been nice with him, because we are very comfortable with each other. Oh well.
I find Going dark to be my most difficult challenge. He initiates contact, and is so caring and open in our conversations that I don't want to avoid him. But I know I need to.
Going to take D to a movie tonight so that my phone will be off at the time he usually contacts me, and I can be out and distracted rather than mope around the house missing him.
M: 48 H: 44 M: 2 / T: 7 My kids: S22, S18, S17, D12 H no kids of his own BD: 7/12/2015 / moved out same day Piecing 9/6/2015 Moved back in 10/2015
I get about him leaving behind a family, but my kids biological father abandoned them and my H although very close with my daughter had no problems walking away from her, me and all the animals. All the things he claimed to love so much. Not sure if I can ever reconcile such callousness in a man to a desired trait for a future relationship.
I actually just thought of shutting my cell phone off so I wouldn't be tempted to answer the phone. I'm home alone, but still working around the house. I really think for my own sanity and well being I need a break from him.
Hope you enjoy the movie with your D.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
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Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
