Divorce is just a piece of paper......

[asitis]

Maybe it seems better to him now. I like some of the time I get to myself quite frankly. I know my W is enjoying getting her space. Does that mean we're happy?

What is the parenting arrangement? If he is able to just see the kids when he wants, then are you getting the time & space you need to grow and develop? If not, then that is something that you probably should address.

You have made changes to correct your faults. Has that worked? We all have done that. But what have you done for yourself? What kind of life is going to make DFE happy if he never does come back? What will make you interesting and attractive? Not as a W. He doesn't want that. That is clear. You've been trying to lure him w/ the better W lure. Sorry, that hasn't seemed to work for a long time. Has it?

You need to focus on being the person you are capable of being. A person that learns how to be happy regardless of an R. A person who is doing interesting things; things that give her life & spark. This has to be for you, not for your M, or it won't really work. You'll still be doing it for him, as if he can bring you happiness if you just get him back. Then what? Would this really make you happy? Really? If you haven't changed to make yourself happy why would you feel that this time he'll stick around?

The side benefit of learning to make yourself happy regardless of him, is that you just may grow back into that woman who attracts him back. We don't fall in love with an H or a W. We fall in love with a person. In this case he fell in love w/ a woman. You. That's the lure. Not W, but being a happy, interesting, attractive woman. Again, that is only the side benefit. It can't be the reason you do this. It has to be a genuine growth of you.

Sorry if I'm seeming a bit rough, but you seem resistant to hearing some of the good advice you've gotten. You seem to keep saying a variation on: "Thanks, but that's not what I want to hear, so try again but this time give me the key to unlock the puzzle." We can't. I know it is hard. I know it is painful. I know you really are scared to take your focus off him because you think he will slip further away. We all have had to work through that struggle. It will take time to do so. So, breathe. You are where you are and it's not like he can D you. So slow down and allow yourself to the time to digest the advice you're getting.