I have decided I do not want to reconcile if he would have a change of heart or an awakening-he has said too many very hateful things to me and laughed to my face and to his parents about cheating on me-I will never forget that and him telling me I can't make him happy no matter how I am or what I do..this man did nothing but work..nothing around the house,barely fooled with the kids,put me down all the time,nothing I did was right,the list goes on..in 11 years I got roses 1 time and begged him to slow dance with me around the house when he played music..he wouldn't do it..but he treats her like a queen and she kicks him,hits him,bosses him around,etc..he wants a woman that works BC he thinks that BC I am a SAHM I used him for money and he thinks BC she works she isn't using him but I know better..he put me down BC my eyes are hazel and he likes green eyes and hers are green..he put me down about my weight for years after I gave him 3 beautiful daughters and she's bigger than I ever was..she's really rough in the bedroom and I'm not..she talks about man stuff and rolls around in the mud and I don't..he made fun of me for being too girly and old fashioned/old school and he bragged that he likes that she farts and belches in front of him and laughs about it..he said I didn't appreciate him working but she doesn't even tell him thank you when he buys her stuff *my daughters witnessed this several times*..he lies..didnt talk to me about problems he had with me but he'd tell another woman the problems and make some up and then have sex with her after he'd make them feel sorry for him..he has no respect for me whatsoever..the list can go on and on and a lot of this was before his latest 2 affairs so it can't all be blamed on this "affair fog"..i have to admit we aren't compatible at all and I think we were only meant to have these kids and then part ways..i know I'm religious now but given the adultery and the Bible says if the nonbeliever in the marriage leaves let them go so I'm going to do just that..i can't take anymore BC that man has put me through hell and back and his parents know everything and are with me that me and the girls deserve a heck of a lot better than what he has and is putting us through..i don't know what God has planned for me but I hope it's better than this-I still pray for the man though and still hope he gets away from her BC that is not who i want to be my babies stepmother but I know I have no control over that outcome..i will list my goals tomorrow..i know if God blesses me with another shot at marriage I will know what I expect and I want that man to get me at my best..i just want a semi handsome sweet respectful romantic old school southern man..is that too much to ask for? smile and I'm 30 and love pink,Barbie and flowers and am very much a girly/feminine woman but I'll go fishing and four wheeler riding also and want a truck so hopefully I will get someone who can deal with all of that..even after divorce *which will prob be in February* I still want and need time to myself BC raising 3 kids takes all my time and energy right now

Me-30 H/STBX-32
Daughters-10,7,18 months
M-9 years T-11 years
A few BD's since 2011
H left-March 16,2015
H came back-June 6,2015
Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015