BT, it is perfectly fine to be sad. This is terrible what we are going through. It's not fair, painful, and difficult. But even though you feel like the carrot, you are really still the bean. Your H doesn't have the courage to face his emotions and problems. You on the other hand are working so hard to be the best you, and have enough bravery to continue on this journey even in grief.
Bravo! I cyber salute you.
E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out