Forgive me for letting you alone during your difficult time. I have been busy organizing my life. I got some time now, waiting for S17 to get out of his guitar lesson.
I learned the hard way about "Boundaries" and I had a ton of advices from many and mainly from our lovely V.
Today, I look back and I see that I always want that contact, the friendly feeling, the connection in hope that somehow the mad man would snap out of crazyness and we would be able to talk about it all.
Well, after all what happen, I came to my senses and now I really want those boundaries to be in place. I want to be respected and I do not seek any connection.
My XH is still a mess. Maybe even worse now. He still text me, but gets one word answer. He calls and gets a voice mail or a short answer.
Now I am busy and I do not need his bulls**t anymore. Now, I am myself and loving it.
What I am trying to say is that as much as this is all so unfortunate. There is nothing that will magically change their mind set.
We see them miserable, but they don't see it. It's very mental, an illness of some kind. But it is only when we really withdrawal or as a DB term...we detach, that reality start setting in and they start seeing the hell that they built for themselves.
In some cases, I see that people move on and they don't look back, but in our spouses deal, it's very sad to see how much destruction is in there.
I would say it is time for the boundaries and realities. It's up to you of course. You are the one that will know when you will be able to let go.
It's very painful, it hurts like nothing else in life (and I had three babies). It's some soul pain when I family is broken. But it is also the time you will look inside yourself and see the man you are, how much life is still left inside of you. It's that time when you determine that you are more important then anyone else.
By the way, I use to talk mildly about some of this stuff with my kids, my young adults. They helped me a lot to make sense of what is more important for me. They are, I am, our lives matter and we did not sin so badly to deserve douch pain.
You will know when you are ready, you will know when you had enough, and you will start the real DB only when that day make sense to you and you will let go.
But, hold your horses tight because the WAS will see and feel the difference. It's not pretending anymore, and they know it. And their reaction is not very pretty.
Think about, take your time, read your books, prepare yourself... you will be fine... you will survive... and you will be happy again...believe!!!
