Hey Joss. I have had more than one name on here so it would be difficult to find my whole story.

Basically, it is this. BD was in 2007. I couldn’t get dbing for a long time. I mean I understood its premises, but, I had a hard time implementing them. With the help of the amazing people here who would not give up on me, a wonderful therapist and sheer will power, I finally did get it and it changed my life.

To me, dbing is a way of life. If you do the work, you become who you were meant to be and in my opinion, it gives the best chance of saving a marriage.
My xh stayed in my home for almost two years while having an affair. He eventually left and I finally had to file in order to try to stem the financial destruction his actions were bringing. He did some horrific things and he is sadly, still swirling around the tunnel…often hugging hard to its walls. I wish him nothing but peace always.

I remember when I first came here; I was desperate for success stories until I learned this….. all of us who have survived this and have come out the other side whole and healed are success stories whether or not our marriage was saved.
I believe fully in this process. I believe that this was meant to happen to me and I am forever grateful for my journey. I wish it didn’t happen in the way that it did, but, than it would be a different journey.

If you want to know any more about what I’ve been through, don’t hesitate to ask. I am still around because I promised myself I would pay it forward.

So, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to gettin’. When this first happened to me, I blamed myself completely. I had gotten very small throughout my marriage. I am not going to blame my xh because I am responsible for my feelings. I allowed him to make me feel less than.

You chose to stay home and raise your children. To me, there is no greater or more important job than that. Please don’t allow your husband’s words to ever let you forget that. When we do that, we often get lost. We throw ourselves deeply into making our children’s lives as rich as we can. We forget to take care of us.

That doesn’t mean that you have nothing of importance to share. It doesn’t mean that the ow is any smarter than you are. It just means that you took a different path, one that I am sure brought you great joy and fulfillment. Celebrate that, Joss. Don’t let him make that any less important than it is by his words or actions. Own your truth.

You lost your way a bit. Not because you aren’t capable or smart, but, because you loved your children and wanted what was best for them.

But the reality is that it is important for us to find a balance and it’s important for your children to see that. You matter, too, Joss.

So, tuck your marriage safely away in a box for now. He needs to figure himself out and you need to let him. It’s the only way he will get through this.

Dbing will seem counterintuitive to you at first. But you need to put the focus on you and your kids. Leave him to his journey and you walk yours.