I'm sorry your struggling with the path ahead. You obviously know it isn't just about your M but setting the stage for a good co-parenting R for your kids and the two of you who will either make getting along in that R easy or hell. And, you do never know. And, you've heard the advice that as long as she is in the A, not much is going to shock her into changing course. That is going to take her going down that path and seeing where it leads her.
I suspect that your insight into the change between the photo and now may be one of the contributing factors to the M problems and the A. If she has been feeling like she is losing her youth & looks, and that you haven't been giving her the things she wanted, having OM come along and making her feel attractive and desirable, and the giddy feelings that she remembers feeling at the beginnings of the Rs of her youth, are a powerful drug.
As with any drug, only the addict can choose to kick the habit. You've fired your shot across her bow. You've taken away some of the excitement of the A being a hidden conspiracy. Do you want to push the D forward fast, or do you want to let it drag so that she can see where the A is going and maybe start seeing things in a different way? Do you think you never can trust her again, and are you sure of that? It seems like you haven't entirely made up your mind even though at times you have sounded pretty firm.
Hang in there. You've been doing a lot right, and you are being great w/ your kids through this. I know it is hard to watch them struggle, but you are really standing up and showing them what it means to be a dad. And while I'm sure you feel at times like you are flailing and struggling, I hope that I can handle things as well as you are if I ever get into the position you are in.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
