Luke, its a hard road to walk, yea? Sometimes you feel you know exactly where you are, other times you feel a little lost.
uR .. you are the Oracle ... its excatly how it feels, during the heavy part of the crisis it was just easier to shrug the shoulders and do my own thing ... a bit tougher navigating the changing tides in this river.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
They are pushing you on here right now for a reason.
The thing is that I get the fear and the walls and all the other stuff. I do. It isn't easy putting all of that to rest.
But sometimes we get so hung up on where and how we think things should be that we forget to just live, ya know?
We have new tools and new ways of getting through stuff so sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith and see where we land.
Yeah I have arrived at that same concept ... making more out of it than it needs to be, analyzing as I do .. realizing it is what it is, worry about me and stay upright. Accept the ups and downs and just keep moving forward as best I can.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
I cant tell you if she is fully committed or not. I don't even know what that would look like, to be honest. I would imagine it would mean a commitment to do better, an honest apology for the past, a willingness to work together towards a common What does fully committed mean to you? I think when one is in a situation like yours, there can be some small part that wants the spouse to beg for forgiveness and profess their undying love over and over.
It doesn't happen that way...nor should it. You want to allow it to unfold slowly, with both of you having realizations of what you want and how you got here. You want it to be a gradual rebuilding of a foundation so that it's strong. we land.
Well she pretty much has done that, the apologizing thing. Like we had hit on 'Forgiveness' Some time ago on one of my threads ... its not like you need someone to ask for it to give it, but I will admit it helps. I read in a book recently its one thing to forgive, but there is that deep seeded self preservation in a betrayed spouse of "I will never be made a fool of again" .... I admit there is some of that, but I quickly realized that was fueling fear .... I could not stop the A, that was her choice, just as if she chose to have another A, again nothing I can do there so why waste energy on that ... which I have stopped, along with that so went the urge to snoop. Even last night she was talking to someone on the phone in the bedroom as I was putting things away in the kitchen, she was not hiding her voice nor being sneaky and I laughed to myself realizing my % of "Who is that" was in single digits .... again those things I was never like before A and OM, and slowly I am coming back to that place.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
That all takes time and patience and most of all...love. Really, at the end of the day, that's the bottom line. This is someone you love and who loves you.
Maybe it isn't happening in the exact way you had hoped. Maybe it is almost anticlimactic in some ways.
My friend, don't worry so much about the push/pull dance and all of that other stuff all the time.
And don't be afraid to open yourself up to the possibilities...and just live.
I think its easy to over think this, overreact, push an issue that easily does not need to be pushed. Its a very challenging thing to not have the urge to 'punish' ... or to bring up things that do need to be addressed, but knowing now is not the time has proved to be golden, for me taking a walk or a run .. giving myself time to just 'be' has helped ... its harder to knock myself off center but conversely when I am off, its harder to get back... I do feel I am there at the moment but I do accept there will be things/times I will need to right myself.
