Still Struggling with a plan!

[hopeOK]

Last night I was feeling a bit down. Nothing H did... he has continued to be very sweet, thoughtful, affectionate, & caring. He is really making an effort to get in quality time with me. Yesterday he was on the sofa & said, "Maybe you'll come in here to sit by me when you are done." then he asked if I wanted to watch some of the tv show we've been watching together. This is a big deal because when we were working on the marriage in counseling, one of the last things we were working on that I communicated was still a big deal to me and not being met is quality time together. So now he seems to be making a bigger effort than when we were in counseling.

This morning when he left he said he was looking forward to 3p & I asked him why & he said he was looking forward to seeing us. (Although I am thinking I am not too excited about that b/c I am then going to my OBGYN apt for my yearly & for STD testing. )

Later this morning he texted to see if my head was feeling better (I had a headache this morning... I think I was clenching my jaw last night, I must be pretty anxious about my apt this afternoon, I'm thinking.)

So ... he is doing all that he should be doing, I think. But last night I had trouble going to sleep & just was so uptight. Partly probably due to my upcoming apt & having to ask for STD testing. So shameful. And I hate that he has put me in this situation. But also my stress is related to needing to find out if he is still having conversations w/ the OW...

So last night while I was up I thought... instead of planning out this whole long conversation & having a good reason for asking about OW all lined out to H... why don't I just come out & ask? "Can I ask you a question? Are you still talking to OW outside of work?" Then be done with it! Then the boundary talk can come later but at least I'll have that out & find out what I've been wanting to know.

My IC says to ask when I have worked on myself enough to be able to deal with that conversation. I think that means that when I can control myself and not unload on him. I think I can do that now. If he says he is still talking to her, I think I will choose to not say anything at that moment & rethink my whole plan of action b/c things are not going as well as I had thought. If he says no, then I would want to know when/how he ended that friendship (after starting it back up when we fell out). Is that an ok thing to want to know?

Good idea to just ask or no??