Tomorrow is a Back to School meeting to introduce the Principal and Teachers and my Sons Elementary School.
My wife doesn't want me to attend or in her words "doesn't want me to go with her". She doesn't want me to disrupt the boys school night by leaving because she wants stricture and order for this transition. I can understand that.
I asked her really why? She said I never went before and didn't expect me to go. I told her that I never went because I was watching the kids otherwise the kids would be all over the place and we wouldn't be paying attention if the went with us. I told her that was what we did and it wasn't a question or problem before.
*** Now the Million Dollar Questions is:
1. Do I go to the meeting and not see the kids?
I think if I want to show that I am serious about being an involved Dad like I always have been, then I go.
2. Do I sit by her or just find a seat no matter where?
Normalcy and secure regularity mean the kids have to get used to you both being their parents even if you don't have a comfortable R between the two of you. It has little to do with either of your comfort, and all to do with your kids. You act civil and share that you are both there to support your kids.
That's co-parenting. That is the best for the kids. That is hard for the two of you. It won't be for that long. It is one evening, then a break. Won't it be even weirder that dad doesn't show up to be there for his kids to meet their teachers?
It really sounds like you might suggest some counseling on how to work together for the best for your kids during this difficult time. Not to work on your M, but how to have a good co-parenting relationship for them. You can always say, you don't feel like either of you (but certainly you - put it on yourself) knows enough about how to do best by the kids through all this, and you think you need some counseling to figure out what is best for them. Then suggest a family therapist who specializes in kids and adolescents. Our training paths combine marriage and family therapy, because you are always working with more than one person & managing the interpersonal dynamics is the focus. So, they will all be called Marriage and Family therapists/counselors. You emphasize the kids, and look for someone who really does focus on kids. If you can't find someone, look for someone who is just a regular therapist that specializes in kids. They may not have the particular training in negotiating the co-parenting R, but they will be able to help think through how to talk to and act that gives your kids the most of what they need right now.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I wouldn't focus so much on what to make of it all, but instead on how you are going to build a good co-parenting R for your kids' sake. It's not about you or her or the M. It's about the kids. Focus your attention on how to approach her to get some help to work out how to be good co-parents for them.
You can worry about the M or whatever after that.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I told her that I never went because I was watching the kids otherwise the kids would be all over the place and we wouldn't be paying attention if the went with us.
So who is watching the kids? Or are they going with you?
If it was me - I would go, sit separately and continue to be the best dad I can be. Or I would watch the kids.
This is about the kids and what is best for them, not about you and her.
Her mother will be watching the kids (they are staying with MIL since they left). It's from 6-8pm and If I watched the kids and I left they would cry and not go to bed until real late.
I am going to the meeting and will see the kids Sunday.
I think the wife wants to show herself and everyone she can be a single strong parent.
Sometimes when I ask the kids have they ate and what they ate. She comes on the phone and defends herself saying she always cooks and does what she needs to. It's as though she thinks I'm putting her down or thinking she is not doing what a mother is suppose to do.
I think she is trying to justify she is being a good mom.
One thing she always says is she is happier (I don't think so) and the kids are better and happier (I know they are not).
She makes it seems like I was was and am a monster and I'm not. She says I'm not and to stop assuming. the stuff she says is one thing and the stuff she does is another and the stuff she text is another.
She always says it's going to take time and I ask her what she means and never says.
I really feel sometimes as time goes by she is slipping away and hope slips away as well.
And it is not unusual for the marriage to be destroyed in this process.
Maybe you get to build a new one later on. Right now build up your relationship with your kids. Be strong for them. That will lead the way into the future and is very attractive.
I have planted the seed of FDU 2.0 and thinking of how to grow into and become a better man. I am working on my GAL, detaching, sustaining my involvement with my kids despite them moving and 1 and 1/2 hours away and becoming an even better Dad.
I am finding it hard to get my confidence and self esteem up, thinking damn my wife didn't want me or care for me enough to stay and fight for this relationship and that she thinks there is someone better out there for her. So much that she turned our young kids lives upside down.
If I can get that so called Mojo back that women like and are attracted to I would feel better about myself and life would be better. I had so much confidence and self esteem and now nothing.
