Arrival to NC.

[mvgfwd2]

I think you have various ways to deal with it:

You could automatically have here texts go to spam folder where they sit in a separate folder until you want to see if there is anything worth responding to. If it goes to spam you won't even see it until you open that folder. When you aren't responding to the garbage anymore she will eventually stop.

You could say something like "I've met some new people so I won't be able to chit-chat anymore, except for the dogs". You have met new people but of course she will assume a female. Let her stew in her own insane world. I like this approach because I have a little devil in me.

You could just flat out say "you are divorcing me and you are in another relationship, I don't want any part of that and have moved on, please keep the communications to just about the dogs"

etc.

combine the spam folder with any other option for optimum peace of mind.

[Sotto]

Ooh, I like option B too - maybe I too have a little devil in me!!

[Ontheup]

Hmm option b would be funny because no doubt she would presume you mean a woman...

In my sitch I just don't respond to anything that isn't daughter or financial related. Again a little different as I do have to speak to her daily when I/she ring our daughter.
IM civil and friendly but don't get involved in any small talk. I ask nothing about her life. When she does sometimes try and chat I just cut the conversation. Not in a rude way, I just don't answer with responses that lead.


If you do want to say something then what about along the lines of " ex under the circumstances it isn't appropriate that there is contact between us unless it relates to the dogs" any divorce communication should go through your lawyer.
No need to be nasty, no need to show emotion one way or another... Just straight to the point, business like.

[mvgfwd2]

option B has a lot potential. It says in a nice way I'm moving on. It's doesn't say you don't want to communicate but you "can't" by something out of your control. And it of course it has the mystery. Combined with moving the texts to a spam folder is a peaceful way to exit.

[Sotto]

Yes, and if you didn't want to use the 'Im meeting new people - you could use a variatiion of that....."Things have become so busy here...I won't be able to chit chat....then you can add on the end. Settling in well though & meeting some great new people - take care W.

Then do the spam thing and ignore, ignore, ignore.....

[RysinMn]

Good morning everyone, I figured I will update everyone on my sitch. I weighed everyone's ideas and input and I came to the conclusion I was going to be open and honest with W about the texting constantly. I told her that I appreciated her checking in on me when I moved away and making sure that I got settled in without issues but as of lately I have noticed she is constantly texting me. I continued by saying that at this time she has chosen her path, and all this contact is not helping me move forward on my path. I stayed open with her I felt it was the right thing to do. I told her that I still loved her and I probably always would but that I have accepted and ok with our lives now moving apart. and if she understands where I'm coming from then she knows always hearing from her is not helping my sitch.

I told W I don't mind a check in every once in a while but I do not want her contacting me daily. I expressed to her that if she needs to contact me about the dogs that I will be available 24/7. She started crying and said she understands, I thanked her for everything and her understanding of my feelings and we said goodbye. That was a very tough conversation but I know it was for the best. I feel this action draws a line in the sand. before I would just communicate back and forth with her as buddies. Now she realizes we can't be just buddies.

I will keep everyone posted on the next few weeks. Please feel free to critique my approach and give me pointers I could have done better.

[Sotto]

Hi Rysin, that sounds fair enough to me. You dealt with it in an authentic way, and with integrity & respect for her. Really the message was - hey, it just doesnt work for me to be text-chatting daily (like close friends or spouses) when you are in a new R. That's fair enough I think.

The only tiny tweak I would suggest is the 'loving for ever' comment, but I think it is okay to say you love her & you accept and are ok with your lives moving apart.

She clearly received and understood the message and it will be interesting to see what transpires now. She may well have some withdrawal from the texting back and forth to you. Maybe you'll receive nothing for a while now - or maybe some doggy communications. Either way, I hope you are building a happy life for yourself over there and making new friends.

Take care xx