H has started an affair

[Sotto]

Hi Anna, I'm glad you found that one helpful. I think all her arcticles on infidelity are worth a read actually. I've been reading more widely about MLC lately and her stuff is pretty interesting I think.

As for your question - how do I remove myself - yes I agree it isn't easy. For me, I moved out straight away so I don't have that experience to offer. But I guess not removing yourself to me means - sharing a bed - being affectionate - being intimate - acting as though you are in a loving marriage - still being a partner to him - still going on dates etc.

So I guess removing yourself may mean - not sharing a bed - not showing affection - being clear that intimacy is off the table - being clear that you and he are not in a R whilst he's involved with a third party....and so on.

Maybe speak to your coach about this area if you have another session planned? I think it is really important to avoid the whole triangulation thing - for your own peace of mind and protection, and also not to prolong the A - whatever form it's in. Many WAS's push the boundaries in this area and I think you have done well to push back on this one. It's hard because we so want our WAS's to want us (and not AP) - but do we want THEM on that basis? ie: secretly texting AP while playing with the kids?? - erm no thanks....he's no prize at the moment, believe me!

Best wishes to you xx