I wouldn't focus so much on what to make of it all, but instead on how you are going to build a good co-parenting R for your kids' sake. It's not about you or her or the M. It's about the kids. Focus your attention on how to approach her to get some help to work out how to be good co-parents for them.

You can worry about the M or whatever after that.

Me: 50 W:43
S6, S3
M: 12 yrs. T: 17
M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14
S 5 Feb '15
D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry")
DB Coach May '15
Wants proceed on D Aug '15
Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15