I some how knew that you would be feeling it physically and emotionally, but I guess it is a human response to stress and distress, so no too difficult to anticipate.
I guess though, that I like to think that I have little sense of you, out there on the other side of the world, and knew who torn up you would be and in a little need of someone having your back and waving a flag for you, if you know what I mean. LOL
I won't give any advice on what to say to wife about her being served. This is not something I have had any experience with, so I will leave that to the experts.
If you know you will not be able to say all the things you want to say to wife, if writing them down in letter to hand over, after the intial conversation would be helpful.
I am not always a fan of passing over detailed accounts of feelings and thoughts to people who will not appreciate them and only use them for counter attack, but sitting down to write something may well indeed help you formulate some rather emotional experiences, wants wishes and desires into av clear consise and truthful account, which can either suport you talkign with wife, or be something you hand over to her. Just a thought.
Whatever you do, while your wife may not recognise the emotional angst and turmoil you have experienced over how to take this next step. Please know that I and the we that is this online family, see the integrity with which you have handled yourself and this situation.
I have no worries about how you will hold your children through this process. You have the father thing well covered already.
