hold on!! - 12

[u-turn]

Although you are unsure of what to say, i think you have decided to tell WW and also the kids very soon. As you have filed in the court then it isn't possible for WW to outmanoeuvre you, so you have five or six days to plan what to say. Be prepared for her to ask what you filed or for an early copy of the documents filed. That's easy to deal with if you want to, your L has advised you in this case that the fact you have filed is the important thing to advise not the content? Is that the advice from L?

This is true V, I need to tell everyone - I cannot just let it happen - I don't think I would forgive myself for it.

Today, I contacted my L to get a timeline again and I was given a date of oct 1 for our preliminary hearing. and she will likely be served next week. ) This knocked the wind out of me a little today.(My L annoys me a little because he doesn't seem to tell me anything without me asking)

I need to announce this to WW and kids soon. This is wrenching me too though I don't really feel like I can screw this up as there really is nothing to screw up.

I do not have a copy of the filed paperwork yet.

I will tell her face to face (I don't like talking on the phone - too much silence). I will schedule a "meeting" with her telling her that we need to talk in private - she will likely know it is crucial because I have not tried to talk to her for many months. I would like to talk somewhere besides at home, but don't really know where yet. It will have to be in the evening (probably skip dinner that night - give some money for the kids to go get themselves something - gets them out of the house and give us a little time)

I will tell WW first because I don't want her to think or accuse me of working them behind her back and pulling them toward me.

Then there is why of course, you are telling her to forewarn her because, it's your moral imperative and you want your children to know which is much more important?

This is the tough one - I could go into the why with WW, but I'm not sure there is a point - we both know the why. I need the kids to know a little of the why (I don't need them to know the gory details) but I need them to know that I am hurt by this, that I don't believe people grow apart, that this this is not about their mom working too much (or whatever else they were told to believe). I need them to know that I believe in marriage and that it can last forever. But everyone deserves to be treated with respect.

This is tough.

In my book telling your children is the most important thing, how you tell them is something they will remember for the rest of their lives. You are their role model and vital to their safety and well being so my first concern is your children. Tell them somewhere safe for them, lots of hugs and answer questions as honestly as you can. Be prepared to be asked questions that are inappropriate for you to answer and you may need to say up front, " I will answer as many qs as I can although some things are adult issues" . kids can often blame themselves so it is important to say "there is nothing you have done to cause this, this is an issue between mom and I"

This is all so true V - so important that I get this right - I don't want to lose their trust over this.

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I did tell WW about my parents anniversary lunch this upcoming weekend. She asked what I wanted her to do and I replied that I was leaving that up to her. She asked who was going to be their, but I didn't respond. This was all by e-mail. I don't know what her plans for this are. I will make the best of it if she decides to go (I hope my dad can do the same - my mom said she could).

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I am preparing myself for a doozy of a lie to happen on friday night, I know she has bought concert tickets out of town to a band that her and OM bonded over (Yuck) - I'll see what kind of story she makes up to cover for herself. I have no interest in covering for her or lying to the kids for her - would be a good time to tell OMW about everything too - but I am not sure this will make me feel any better. It may be a good time to tell the kids though I don't want it to seem reactionary over just the current event.

I will likely let her know that I know she is lying to me - and a couple days later let her know about the D proceedings.

I would like to write out my thoughts about my conversation with WW if anyone is interested in helping.

Thanks so much