Well, H came home looking very sad. He hadn't contacted me all day. I asked why and he said that he didn't think I wanted him to. Then he said that he was upset because I had called two of his friends yesterday because I was checking the cell phone bill. Now, mind you, I quickly set him straight. I was checking MY cell phone bill, NOT his. He said he believed me and I had always been honest. He wanted to know what I was thinking and so I told him. (stuff from yesterday) He said he absolutely did not have a PA with that girl, it was purely EA. Then... (There was some stuff leading up to this comment, it wasn't out of the blue...)
Me - "I just can't believe you didn't 'love' her, you bought her diamonds. In all the years I've been with you, you've never bought me diamonds." H - "They were just flecks. And I always bought my XW jewelry because it doesn't take any thought. With you, I wanted to put thought into your presents." Me - "That's true, you always had such thoughtful presents." Me-smile H - "For the record, she is divorced, she just lives with her XH. And, for the record, I broke it off last night." Me - "That must have been very hard." H - "It was. But I know that if this (meaning us) is going to work, I need to start watering this grass. There can never be anything between us (meaning him and I) as long as there is someone else in the picture." Me - "I'm just glad it's out in the open." H - "Me too, I hate hiding." Me - "No matter what, remember I am here for you. I trust you, I believe in you, I have forgiven you. There's nothing else I can say." H - "I'm glad, because if this M is going to work, we can't have a R where we don't trust each other. We have to have trust or it won't work."
Now, I would say that it went very well. So, why am I having these stupid, insecure thoughts this morning???
1. Were the tears in his eyes the other night actually because he was hurt over her? (I had thought they were from guilt and love for me since he was looking in my eyes so tenderly when he was tearing up) 2. Did he really love her? He says he cared, but not love. 3. Was he planning a future with her?
Come on! This doesn't matter! He chose me over her. He has finally committed to working on this marriage to see if it can come back. This is what I wanted. Why am I so crazy to be having these thoughts? Am I insane?
Time to DB. Glad I could get those questions out, because I don't think they will bring me any closer together with him.
