New post (was MLC w/EA possible PA) and confused.

[kyrie]

Thanks Cat. Been busy here too. Glad your exorcism went well - that one made me laugh.
I am familiar with the philosophys of "women of our generation" - and have heartedly rejected them - on principle. In practice, I recognize that I haven't full gotten what it means to really be feminine/wifely, and I have competed with my husband for headship. Mostly I think I just wanted to prove myself. Whatever. I recognize it's a failing and it hurt him. He always reacted in anger, so it was hard to 'get it'. I've confessed that to him months ago.
It's exacerbated in that during the last 7 years, while he was assigned to build a mission start (new church) - which failed, I had to be the breadwinner. Still am. I hated not being a stay at home mom and he felt like I resented him for it. And maybe I did. And meanwhile he suffered by not being that for us, and developed some bad habits.
In some ways things have been better lately. It seems like we're making progress. Yesterday I had a bit of a backwards step... started feeling angry/sorry for myself about things not being resolved, but I think I recovered ok. He's still struggling with depression and still walled-in about a lot of things. Still blames me often, but with a softer tone at least. He described wanting to be pursued.... not sure what to do with that (other than validation, but he doesn't want just validation).
I'm sure it still takes time.