Quote: Actually, I do trust him, but I just don't always believe him. He is usually an honest guy, but the things he has been going through are by nature deceptive
Boy oh boy do I know how you feel about this one. When I found about OM months ago and realized how much W was lying to me, my head exploded, it turned my whole world upside down. Here was this person I thought I could trust my life with, and not only did she not want to be around me anymore, she was lying to me like crazy. It was a real mindf__k.
BUT, I feel like I've recovered from that. I accepted that part of the reason she was lying was that she didn't want to hurt me, and I learned that once I changed my behavior and became her friend again she opened up about everything, I mean everything. I think she's pretty much stopped lying to me now, or at least I feel that she has. She may be omitting things right now, but I feel it's probably not in my best interest right now anyway to know everything that's going on w/ OM. Some of this is detachment on my part. And trust, like love, is a choice we must make.
Quote: Anyway, given that I know my H and that as long as he keeps this inside, he will not get over guilt and begin to heal, I want to talk about it with him. Tell him I know the truth and I forgive him...
he thought I handled it "too well" when we were talking about it.
I think he needs to come to you with this, though, it's a choice he has to make, and it may take a while. But you handling it well will make it easier for him, let it happen sooner I think, so keep handling it "too well."
Quote: So, my question to you is, do I go against DB principals and bring it up tonight to him and get it all out in the open, or keep letting it go?
My inclination is to keep letting it go, for now. I think it is something that he needs to share, and you need to hear, but the when and the how are probably crucial. I think there needs be a time and a way that he feels he's bringing it up himself, that it is safe for him to do so, and that he feels he can be so completely forthcoming that all the weight can be lifted. Is there a way for you to prompt this? Maybe, maybe not. I think a lot of creating the safety he needs is you being strong and confident and handling things "too well" while still being tender and understanding--you being so open and receptive and ready that he can't help himself but to be forthcoming. I wish I had a clearer answer.
